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Book
Summary/Review: The Power Of Influence
This
article is based on the following book:
The Power Of Influence
(Audotape)
by Paul McKenna and Michael Breen
Printed
with permission from: 
There's nothing like listening to a good audiotape program
on the long commute from San Diego to Los Angeles. I enjoyed
this one so much I thought I'd highlight the many gems scattered
throughout this four tape cassette program and then my reflections
on how they can affect you and managing in the workplace.
By way of background, the author's are experienced with
hypnosis and nuero-lingustic programming. While I have not
tried using the former, I am certainly experienced with
the latter. So powerful is the influence of NLP, the first
time I used it in trial I received a 1.35 million dollar
verdict on a case where defense counsel offered me 15,000
to settle. Once you begin applying this information you
will see how powerful it really is.
At
its heart, the power of influence is about what goes on
in our unconscious mind. When we communicate with someone
and supply him or her with information, we are generally
looking for some form of response in return. The degree
to which this response meets or even exceeds or expectations
has as much to do with the unconscious mind as it does the
conscious one. In this book summary I will endeavor to add
my own insight as to how the Power of Influence can affect
the workplace.
The
authors start off with Aristotle's insight that knowledge
can only be gained through logic and reason. The problem
is, not everybody is capable of "reasonable" thought.
The power of persuasion, which should emphasis a search
for the truth, has the ability to motivate people towards
right action. Aristotle broke down the art of persuasion
into three categories. The first is the ethos or credibility
of the speaker. The second factor is the message itself
or "logos" which means the word. Certain words
trigger certain unconditional responses, which greatly impact
on the level of persuasion. The final factors are the emotions
of the audience or "pathos". We all know that
people who make us feel good about ourselves can in turn
get us to do almost anything for them. That is why advertisers
try to attach an emotional anchor to any message they present.
As we shall soon see, one of the greatest manifestations
of "pathos" comes to play in the group setting.
Because of the emotional need for conformity, groups tend
to think with a single mind. The ability to tap into and
persuade the group mind has been the calling card of every
famous leader in history.
These
three factors, your credibility, the words you use, and
the emotions of the recipient should be considered anytime
you are trying to influence or persuade another. One note
before we move on: many people equate the power of influence
or persuasion with manipulation and furthermore consider
that to be somehow villainous. The fact is, the power of
influence is only villainous if that is the intent behind
it.
Sometimes the best form of communication is an indirect
one using a metaphor or analogy. As a simple example, if
someone is focusing their efforts on too narrow an area,
you may bring up the metaphor, "you don't want to put
all of your eggs into a single basket." The same thing
with analogy. If any employee is not producing the way you
would expect them to, perhaps you can analogize to a situation
in your own work career where you were challenged with productivity
issues. Metaphors, stories, parables, proverbs, all are
very powerful forms of communication because of the emotions
they evoke. It is important to pay attention to the metaphors
that you and others use in life. The authors give a classic
example of a boss who always used football metaphors in
his conversation. The employee had difficulty communicating
with his boss until he began to adopt similar metaphors.
Not surprisingly, employee's perceived brilliance increased
dramatically as a result of the emotional connection created
by use of those metaphors.
What
metaphors do you use when you talk about your company or
the people in it? What metaphors do those you work with
tend to use? What does the answer to these questions tell
you about you, your company and your fellow workers? What
metaphors, symbols and stories do you want to have associated
with your career and your company? One reason brands are
so powerful is they hit on all three factors of credibility,
words and emotions. Because of this fact, brands are arguably
today's most valuable corporate asset.
The Rule of Reciprocity
Otherwise
known as the Rule of Give and Take. By our very nature,
humans feel compelled to reciprocate. This law of reciprocity
is so ingrained in us that it applies even when we were
given something we never asked for and from somebody that
we don't even like. So, the next time you are trying to
use your influence in the workplace, before you attempt
to receive something ask what you are going to give first.
Many times what we have to "give" is really nothing
more than a concession. Simply by moving back from an outrageous
request, you could give the appearance of having giving
something for nothing. This is a very valuable tool in sales
and negotiation.
The Rule of Consistency
People
are wired to be consistent. When they are inconsistent they
are perceived as incredible. This is a tactic I have often
used in the trial setting. For example, I will ask a witness
a series of yes/no questions so as to anchor their consistent
response. Then I will venture into an area where I know
that they are lying and you will see the inconsistency in
their response. I will certainly make a point of informing
the judge or jury of this inconsistency so as to attack
the witness's credibility. This inconsistency can be as
subtle as an eye movement or physical gesture.
Let
me give another example of how this works. When selling
services or a product, one should begin by getting the other
person to agree to a set of principles or beliefs. Get them
to agree that if someone could offer a product or service
that would be in alignment with this principle or belief
that they would be interested in purchasing it. In a sense,
you get their commitment to purchase upfront before you
ever describe the benefits of your particular product or
service. Then, the conversation can focus on getting them
to agree that your product or service in fact creates those
benefits. Because they have a need to be consistent and
will commit to their earlier position, you have a greater
chance of selling that product or service.
Another
example: the great hypnotists began by asking their subjects
to comply with certain simple requests such as sitting down,
closing the door, etc. They then find that it's easier later
on for them to comply with the hypnotic suggestions. In
the same way, if you are doing any form of public speaking
or training, you should begin by requesting your audience
to do certain simple acts such as standing up and stretching,
raising their hand in agreement, saying "yes"
at all once, etc. By getting people to agree to relatively
innocuous activities upfront, you will have a much easier
job of getting them to agree to the more challenging ones
later.
Much
in the same way, if you are a manager trying to encourage
completion of a project, you may want to get your employee
to agree to the relatively easy and minor activities first.
By "chunking down" the project into more manageable
bits you can use this rule of consistency to your great
benefit. Instead of trying to drive their commitment to
completion of an entire project, drive their commitment
through a built up completion of larger and larger parts.
Much
in the same vein, I am continually learning that it is much
easier to sell a full range of services to a client by starting
off with their commitment to a rather minor level of services.
It is then much easier to step them up to the next level
of service and so on.
This
rule can also trap us. For example if we agree to put in
extra at work on a project on a number of occasions, it
becomes almost impossible for us to then say, "no"
to a subsequent request. If you find yourself in such a
position, you may want to say something like, "I will
do that this time, but I don't want it to become a habit."
This is one way you can avoid being manipulated by villainous
intent.
The Rule of Social Proof
Otherwise
known as "group think" or the "herd mentality."
Whether it comes to a decision about what clothing we will
buy or whether we will make a donation that Sunday at church,
the power of social proof is enormous. As a business owner
or manager this is a double-edged sword. You certainly want
to create a culture in your organization that is modeled
by all of your employees. However, you don't want so much
conformist-thinking that people are afraid to be innovative
or speak up.
The Rule of Liking
According
to the authors, there are a number of components to this
rule. The first being physical attractiveness. Very simple,
if we want people to like us we have to look likable. This
is one reason why attorneys are forever instructing their
clients to dress their best when on the witness stand. The
second factor is that of similarity. Very simply, we are
more comfortable with people we perceive to be just like
us. We are not just talking about how they dress, but everything
to their tonality to their body language and to even their
smell. There is an art to "matching" someone you're
attempting to influence without being obvious about the
fact. Again, we can mimic their dress, their tone of voice,
their metaphors, and so on. Simply by repeating what you
heard someone else say to you, you can use the rule of similarity.
This is an essential part of active listening.
The
power of praise and complement also evoke this rule. People
tend to like us more when we make them feel good about themselves.
We
also tend to like things that are familiar to us. This is
why it is so important in diversity type training to find
the similarities between us as opposed to further exposing
the differences.
Pat
Wolfe, a brain researcher, tells us that the brain always
tries to attach meaning to any new information. It actually
looks for familiarity. That's why it is important as a leader
or manager to link new projects and new activities to past
experiences. In the same way, the entire concept of change
becomes less onerous when it is positioned as being similar
to challenges faced in the past. Change also becomes a much
easier challenge when we associate celebration and reward.
I
had a client who went through an incredible amount of technological
change over a three-year period. At the conclusion of which
they continued on with business as if nothing special had
occurred. I explained to the CEO that if he wanted people
to embrace the inevitable next round of change that he should
celebrate and reward the challenges just conquered. This
way people will associate change with pleasure as opposed
to fear. We can always also use the power of association
to motivate ourselves to do routine and perhaps even unlikable
tasks well. This is no different than a parent making it
fun for their child to eat their vegetables.
The Rule of Authority
As
Aristotle told us centuries ago, authority equates with
credibility. I think one-reason banks have so many Vice
Presidents is to generate the appearance of authority and
hence add credibility. Again, this power of authority has
a built in Catch-22. What you don't want however is for
people to blindly bend to authority. Especially in an era
where Tom Peters states that rebellion against authority
is a requirement of all progressive organizations. The Culture
of Silence, which stymies the workplace, exists in large
part because of our fear of authority. Employees fear speaking
up because they fear the ridicule and wrath of those with
greater authority.
The Rule of Scarcity
Simply
put, people want what they can't have. I have concerns with
this rule, especially as it applies to the workplace. A
scarcity mentality can create internal competition, which
in turn can be more destructive than beneficial to an organization.
What you want your employees to do is cooperate with each
other, not compete against each other. That is one reason
why I am dead against the Employee of the Month award as
a motivator. Using the rule of scarcity may be a good idea
if you are promoting a product in limited supply, but a
destructive one if used improperly with your workforce.
Flexibility
According
to the authors, one of the keys to influential communications
is the ability to be flexible. For example, if your kid
has seven ways of resisting your efforts to get them to
brush their teeth then you better have eight ways of responding.
Being flexible and thinking out of the box are matters that
should be considered before any communication. Realize that
this flexibility involves all aspects of communication including
the words that are used, tone, physical gestures, the setting,
and so on. You have to be willing to test the effectiveness
of your communication. Don't assume what works, find out.
Be flexible.
Building Rapport
This
happens at both the conscious and unconscious level. For
example, consciously we can focus on a commonality between
us. For example, it may be that we both like to play golf.
At an unconscious level we can mimic the other person's
physical state. For example if we are trying to communicate
to somebody who is standing up, it would be very difficult
to build rapport while sitting down. Similarly, if we find
that a person has certain physical gestures we might want
to match them. For example if they're crossing their legs
we might want to cross our legs. If they are leaning forward,
we would lean forward. The trick is to build rapport without
being obvious about the effort.
Leading
Once
you know that you have established rapport you can begin
leading people in the direction you are after. For example,
don't expect to make somebody who is feeling very stressed
instantly unstressed by telling them a joke. Better to try
to match their mood and then step them up from it.
Handling Objections
As
any great salesperson will tell you, you should be prepared
to handle objections to your communication before you ever
have a communication. For example, before you introduce
an employee survey, it would be wise to deal with the possible
objection that in the employee's experience management doesn't
follow up on suggestions set forth in the survey. Instead
of waiting for one of the employees to say it, you would
say something like "I know that many of you have had
the experience where you have given input through an employee
survey but did not see the follow up expected. That is certainly
not our intent with this survey. We are sensitive to this
concern, so if you have concerns in this area after the
survey, then we want to hear about it." You can also
tell them something like, "While there will be a number
of suggestions set forth by the employees, please understand
that it will be impossible for us to address every one of
them. What we will do is form a committee and decide which
of those suggestions are of critical importance and we can
implement immediately. Once those matters are handled we
will move onto the next set of suggestions and so on."
In
the same way this technique can be used when dealing with
performance issues. Most employees have an emotional objection
to being judged. Let them know that it is not your desire
to judge them but rather empower them towards greater performance.
I attempt to remove potential objections to purchase of
the human resources compliance products I have generated
by offering an unconditional guarantee. Very simply, if
somebody doesn't think what I have provided them is worthwhile
they can get their money back and keep the products at the
same time. I do the same thing with my consulting and legal
services. If a company does not feel that my fees were well
earned, then they have the opportunity to set what they
feel to be a fair fee. The bottom line is if you deliver
on your promises, the risk you face from the potential buyer
who is unwilling to pay full value for a good product or
service is a much less than the risk of not getting that
client at all.
The Art of Reframing
When
it comes to being persuasive, this is one of the most powerful
things you can do. The authors gave an example of an army
recruiter who had the most successful rate for enlisting
soldiers in the entire army. When followed around for a
day, the researchers realized it was his novel approach
towards recruitment that made all the difference. Instead
of waiting for potential recruits to come to his office
he would go down to shopping malls to other places and seek
them out. Knowing their fears, he would reframe the message
to challenge them about their fears. He would also use the
power of group think. Much in the same way, when recruiting
for new hires in this incredibly tight market we may be
better off reframing our recruitment efforts. For example
you may say something like, "You may be better off
working in an environment where your career is already planned
out for you by management. In this company how far you go
is entirely up to you. That may be scary for people who
need more structure."
What
are your employee's fears? How can you reframe your efforts
to turn those fears on their head? Going back to one of
my favorite subjects, performance appraisals, I think this
is an area ripe for reframing. As many of you know, nobody
enjoys doing the performance appraisal process. Mostly because
it is a fear based process. Again, none of us wants to be
judged. Particularly if it's in the negative. The reframing
that needs to be done is to let them know that it is not
about judgment but rather about empowerment. It's not about
focusing on what you haven't done well, but what you have
done well and can do even better. Maybe it's something to
be excited about as opposed to something to be feared.
Reframing
is a technique that I have used to settle employment lawsuits.
Instead of focusing on the litigation process as an adversarial
one, I try to focus on it as a learning experience between
two groups of well-intended people who for some reason or
another failed to communicate along the way. Nobody is the
victim and nobody is the villain. By reframing the matter
in this position you are much more likely to obtain an early
settlement to even the most intense claims.
One
reason that Service Master is the largest janitorial service
in the country is because it's owner William Pollard reframed
the role of the minimum wage worker. While it may be a minimum
wage job, Pollard reframed it. You are not simply vacuuming
hallways and emptying trashcans, you are rendering a service
with a social and spiritual purpose. It's not is job, it's
a calling. Another classic example is embodied in the story
"Fish" about the Seattle-based fish company that
focuses on making work fun. For their employees it's not
about doing a job, it's about having fun. What reframing
can you do about your career and your company?
One
of my favorite reframes has to do with how we approach problems.
Unfortunately, many of us focus on determining what is the
problem in a particular set of circumstances and trying
to find the solution to that problem. The reframe is to
view the problem as a challenge and to determine what opportunities
can come out of that challenge. This is an empowering venture
not a disabling one.
Any
of you who have heard me speak know that one of my complaints
with the passage of the Americans with Disabilities Act
is the very use of the word "Disability." All
of us have known "disabled people" in our lives.
Those that have been successful despite their disability
have not viewed them as such but rather as challenges in
life to overcome. Because we get what we focus on, I think
our country would have been better served had we reframed
it the Americans with Challenges Act.
Asking the Right Questions
One
of my favorite teachers, Tony Robbins, states that the questions
that we ask ourselves determine the quality of life we have.
Similar to the concept of reframing, this is a very powerful
form of persuasion. For example, when people come to me
and want to tell me how terrible their work experience has
been and want to focus on laying blame on their employer,
I will ask them a simple question like, "If you knew
your employer didn't care about you, how come you didn't
quit your job a long time ago?" Simply by asking this
question you've reframed the entire discussion. You can
help the employee to realize that they have a responsibility
for their circumstances too. You can help them realize that
in a business environment where there is only 4% unemployment,
it is they who can call the shots. The point is, the questions
that we ask ourselves will guide our thinking.
Personally,
if I have gone through a particularly challenging set of
circumstances, I won't ask the question, "Why me?".
Instead, I will say something to myself to the effect of,
"That sure was interesting, what can I learn from this
experience? Where did I fail to take responsibility? What
do I have to do to make sure that I never find myself in
these circumstances again? What strategy or tool can I develop
to help me in light of this learning lesson?" One of
the most powerful questions you can ask yourself and those
around you is the "what if" question.
The
power of questions is never more apparent than in the litigation
setting. Attorneys who know this point of influence can
get witnesses to say all sorts of things before they even
realize what they've just said. As we learned in trial advocacy
training, when you ask the right series of questions, you
can ask one final question, which gets you the results you
are after, regardless of how it is answered.
A
case on point. Lets pretend an employee is coming in consistently
late. Instead of attacking them with "you this"
and "you that" type statements, perhaps it may
be better to ask a series of questions such as, "Would
you agree with me that this company and all of it's employees
are dependant on each other? Would you agree with me that
an employee can't be of value to the company unless they
are at work? Would you agree with me that it is reasonable
for a company to expect its employees to show up on time?
Would you agree with me that we have a challenge that needs
to be addressed and an opportunity for both of us if this
challenge is meet?" This type of questioning process
creates a safe place for the employee to acknowledge the
impact of their tardiness while at the same time empowering
them towards change. The "you this" "you
that" is fear based and is guaranteed to motivate the
employee towards fight or flight.
The
other way to set up questions is so that you provide two
choices, only one of which would be acceptable. For example,
"Would you like to work with me to figure out a way
for you to show up on time or would you rather me start
the process of placing disciplinary notices in your personnel
file?" "Would you like to work on the changes
that need to be made to our business operations or would
you rather keep things the way they are which will guarantee
our demise?"
As
pointed out by the authors the questions we ask will alter
the other person's state. For example, instead of asking
the open ended question, "How are things going?"
which may invite a negative response the better question
to ask might be, "What's the most exciting thing going
on in your life right now?" This reframes the inquiry
so that only the positive can be focused on. An especially
important question during stressful times.
One
place where I think the art of questioning needs significant
improvement is in the employee survey process. For example
instead of asking an employee a question of, "How do
you feel about your job on a scale of one to five?"
the better question might be "What could be done to
make your job an even more rewarding experience?" Regards
the former question, while we may think that we are getting
valuable information, the reality is that we are not. The
numerical response is nothing more than information clouded
with an undecipherable filter. The later question allows
people to focus on the opportunities that lie ahead of them
and frames the situation as a welcomed challenge as opposed
to a potential problem.
I
have often had to do this with clients who have come to
me in a very depressed mood because of circumstances either
at home or at work. While I certainly want to acknowledge
their feelings, I really don't want them to dwell on them
at length. Instead I try to reframe their perspective to
point out what is going right for them. That they have their
health, that they have their family, and so on. Reframing
helps us to keep things in perspective. I recently had a
woman who called me to tell me about inappropriate conduct
going on in her workplace. Apparently she complained about
it, felt she was retaliated against and wanted to know what
her employment rights were. What I suggested to her was
that 1) yes, there are bad bosses out there 2) you have
the choice not to work for one 3) if you feel the right
thing to do is to "blow the whistle" to an agency,
then go ahead and do it, and 4) even though you may have
legal rights as a "whistleblower", focusing on
how you've been victimized and can triumph over the villainous
employer might just not be in your best interest. I asked
her to consider just how bad the conduct really is. I offered
to take her for a drive through the worst neighborhood in
San Diego and asked her how it stacked up in comparison.
Perhaps if she wanted to spend her time conquering evil,
there was plenty of community-based opportunity to do that.
Better that than bringing drama into her work life. Finally,
I remind her that there are plenty of employers who really
do care. That in an era of 4% unemployment her highest and
best use would be to add value as opposed to slinging mud
in the courtroom. I don't know what she'll end up doing
but do know that what I shared with her will cause her to
reframe her possibilities.
The Power of Repetition
As
any advertiser will tell you, a message needs to be repeated
in order to be heard. Especially if you want it to be embedded
in the unconscious. We are bombarded with so much information
today that it is hard to sort through all of it. You are
literally competing with thousands of other messages bombarding
your workforce every day. That's why it is important to
reinforce your culture and values on an ongoing basis. Efforts
change and other corporate objectives need to be continually
reinforced. Slogans, stories, and other emotionally based
communications can help with this process.
Focus on the Benefits, Not the Features
As
any seasoned sales professional will tell you people buy
on emotions, not on facts. What is the emotional benefit
of what you are selling? Whether it's buying into a training
program or relocation to a new job opportunity, people want
to feel good about the decisions they make. What are the
emotional needs of the workforce? Security? Opportunity?
Acknowledgment? All of these and more. For example, money
has an incredible emotional attachment to it. It's not so
much the dollars, but what they represent. Money represents
acknowledgement, prestige, fun and security. How can those
very same emotional needs be meet in other ways?
The Language of Influence
In
the booklet that comes with the program the authors supplied
examples of phrases you can use to influence others. I will
provide examples of how these might apply in the workplace.
Negation
(i.e., don't think of blue elephants) - "I don't want
you to focus on how important this job is for your family."
Tag
Questions - (statements disguised as questions) - "Everybody
knows we need to change, isn't that true?"
Mind
Reading (assuming another's internal emotions) - "You
must feel very excited about your promotion!"
Pre-suppositions
(imbedded assumptions) - "Before you decide to accept
this position…" "Lucky for you…"
Conclusion
This
was a great audiotape program. The authors conclude by suggesting
we write down 20 statements we can use to advance our careers,
etc. I've taken time to write my 20. It's a powerful exercise.
I carry them on a piece of paper folded in my pocket. I
have five different statements under four different category
headings. I know you'll greatly benefit by doing it too!
The Power of Influence can be purchased by calling Nightingdale
Conant at (800) 525-9000. Order a copy for yourself and
share it with your management team. Have everyone do their
20 statements and then compare notes.
(c)
Copyright Donald A. Phin
http://www.donphin.com
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