Crucial Conversations

Crucial conversations happen to everyone. They are the conversations that affect the quality of our lives, whether in the personal or the professional realm. Crucial conversations are those in which opinions vary, in which the stakes are high, and in which emotions are strong. They are conversations about tough issues, the conversations that people normally shy away from. In the professional realm, these conversations concern such issues as safety, productivity, diversity, and quality. Companies that lead the way in innovation, teamwork, and change management—activities that require strong human interaction—are companies whose leaders know how to hold crucial conversations. To be successful in these kinds of conversations requires understanding dialogue, the free flow of information between people. People who know how to get all sides of an issue out into the open can make it “safe” for all those participating in the conversation to add their thoughts, ideas, and opinions to the shared pool of knowledge and information. The authors identify seven basic principles of successful dialogue. First, conversations must “start with heart,” with the right motives. Next, we must learn to look for any indication that participants are experiencing any problems with safety, with a decreasing comfort level in the discussion. If safety is at risk, the authors suggest several techniques to restore safety and to make to safe to talk about virtually any topic. Restoring safety frequently requires understanding the interpretations and judgments that we add to the behavior we observe in others, a task the authors call “mastering our stories.” Once our own “stories” have been mastered, it is important to develop the persuasive skills for talking when the information that we have to share could make others defensive or react negatively. Listening, however, is just as important as talking because it encourages the free flow of information and allows others to express themselves. Finally, we need to be clear, if there is not a direct line of authority, as to how decisions will be made and followed up on so that effective dialogue leads to positive action and results.