offerbook 10

The Big Idea

In a perfect world, businesses would run as they were presented in company brochures and portfolios-- performing as lean, mean, profit-making machines, with all its departments and people united as one mind, moving towards a single goal. But this is hardly a perfect world, and in reality, an office setting is often far from being serene. It is a mix of personalities and working styles which sometimes clash, creating friction between people and often creating problems for the company as well.
Because the workplace is such a volatile mix of elements that are often beyond an individual's control, it is impossible to never to have encountered a person who pushes your buttons. The resulting tension between you and this person is most likely to interfere with productivity, and since you are unable to reprogram them or delete them from your work experience, you're more likely to sulk and stress about it, with negative results. If left unsolved, this often leads to the loss of productivity, and in the end, it may even cost you the job that you love. In Working With You Is Killing Me, you are taught to take control of the situation, change your outlook and responses to the situation in order to be able to handle it in the most professional way possible.

Getting Hooked

There are many signs that let you know that you're hooked, and they fall into three categories: physical, mental and emotional. Physical signs manifest as your body reacts to the stressors. You may experience pain or discomfort such as headaches, backaches, chest pains, a stiff neck, muscle spasms, nausea, insomnia or fatigue. Mental signs of being hooked include obsessive thinking, spacing out, revenge fantasies, and an inability to concentrate. Finally, samples of emotional signs are feelings of inadequacy, of being overwhelmed, anxiety, or anger.

Unhooking

Unhooking is the process whereby you take back control of the situation by changing your reaction to the situation. It's a four-step system that gives you tools to manage yourself and helps you take charge of your situation.

The Four Steps of Unhooking

Unhooking Physically.
Unhooking Mentally .
Unhooking Verbally.
Unhooking with a Business Tool.

General Hooks

These are the most common issues that one finds oneself in. These hooks cover the whole workplace in general, and may or may not be limited to an interaction between two people.

Boundaries

Setting boundaries or limits is an essential step in being able to work efficiently. If you are continually angry or upset over something or someone, you probably need to set a boundary. By definition, boundaries are parameters that define territory and protect its inhabitants, and setting them can be tricky. Remember that whenever you set boundaries, you are often called on to maintain them. Be firm, and don't send mixed signals or you may find yourself in a more confusing situation than what you started with.

Breaking The Mold

Another common scenario is when you find yourself forced to fit a role that is detrimental either to other aspects of your life or to your work itself. For example, if people continually expect you to cover for them at work, or if they expect you to pick
up the slack for everyone, you may find yourself feeling frustrated and taken advantage of.

Here is a list of a few of the confining roles that employees find themselves in:

The Hero

This individual is the superhero of the workplace. Usually resourceful and competent, he'll work all hours, forsake vacation and sick days, and do whatever it takes to meet a deadline or bag a client. Unfortunately, when you're hooked into
being a hero, you can never say no, and you feel pressured to “save the day” each time something goes wrong, whether or not it's something you're involved in. You can get swamped with more work than is humanly possible, and eventually, it can
even take a toll on your personal life.

Unhooking Tips for Heroes

Learn to say no.
Stop doing business during the off hours.
Learn to delegate tasks give people a chance to step up to the plate.

The Invisible One.

This type of employee keeps below the radar. As a result, he or she may be bypassed for promotions, or may be ignored when opinions are asked for.

Unhooking Tips for Invisible Ones

Attend meetings, conferences, and the like.
Be willing to speak your mind around co-workers.

Fatal Attractions

There are types of co-workers or peers who go to the extreme, and no matter of tact or diplomacy will save you. Sadly, these people are good at hooking you and getting you to react to them emotionally, exploiting the relationship between you to your detriment. Working with these people could actually “kill” you, and you need to take steps towards self-preservation.

Dealing With Fatal Attractions

Because Fatal Attractions are so extreme, the basic four-step unhooking procedure isn't enough. Fatal Attractions require advanced unhooking techniques, which are also comprised of four steps:

Step 1: Detect
Step 2: Detach
Step 3: Depersonalize
Step 4: Deal

Surviving Your Supervisors

What if it's your boss that's driving you crazy? There are ways and means to manage your managers - and have them thanking you in the end.

Managing Up - Taking Control

Most employees expect managers to be the epitome of efficiency, and expect to either be told what to do or allowed to do what they know is right, with the manager on the ball all the time. However, managers are only human, and unfortunately, most managers are promoted not because they have great managing skills, but because they did a great job as an employee, or because of politics, or even simply because of seniority. Sometimes being at the top can be overwhelming, and every manager appreciates someone on his or her team who can handle situations well.

Managing Up's High Five

These are advanced practices that create standards of excellence within the workplace, and show dedication and drive.

Be on time or early for the start of your day.
Be a gatekeeper and keep away unwanted time-eaters.
Create systems so others can find things when you're not around.
Keep confidential information where it belongs.
Underpromise and overdeliver.

Difficult and Extreme Bosses Handle With Care

Learn to differentiate difficult bosses from extreme bosses -- the former simply does things differently, while the latter is toxic. Difficult Bosses are easily handled with the four basic steps of unhooking, but Extreme Bosses should be handled like Fatal Attractions - using the four advanced steps before basic unhooking.

Business Parenting

Managers often find themselves in the difficult role of parents to their staff, and it's a reasonable conclusion that anyone who oversees of the work of other people inevitably ends up in a parenting position. In doing so, the person in charge must step back, look at the bigger picture, and take steps to correct the situation.

Supervisory �Shoulds� To Look Out For

These are “shoulds” that managers hold in their minds and prevent them from proper parenting. As a manager, one has to know to let go of these, and using the basic unhooking process is helpful in doing this in order to find remedies to difficult
employee behavior.
1. I should only have to say it once.
The problem with this is that behavior cannot be changed after only being told once. You must be prepared to reinforce new polices repeatedly until it becomes a habit.
2. They should behave the way I do.
Unfortunately, people don't think alike, and your employees aren't you. Once you come to this realization, it'll be easier to accept your employee's different ways of doing things as long as they get similar results.
3. They shouldn't make mistakes.
People learn new things in the course of making mistakes. Employees need to be able to explore different methods in their search for results without fear of retribution. Sometimes accidents and mistakes are opportunities in disguise, and people need a chance to make them.
4. I shouldn't have to be their parent.
Unfortunately, this expectation is simply unrealistic, and you need to accept that you will be placed again and again in a parenting position.
5. They should know how to prioritize their work.
Employees doing nonessential tasks at work may frustrate a manager, but again, you
have to remind them repeatedly and consistently of their duties.