Book Summary : What is the Emperor Wearing? This article is based on the following book: What is the Emperor Wearing? Truth-Telling in Business Relationships By Laurie Weiss Published by Personal Branding Press 2003 ISBN 0967450659 278 pages

The Big Idea

Once upon a time, an emperor who loved clothes was approached by two con men who made him an offer he couldn’t refuse. They promised to weave him a special cloth that would be invisible to anyone that is stupid or unworthy of their position. As the work proceeded, the emperor sent high-ranking officials to inspect the cloth. While these officials saw only air where the cloth was supposedly being made, they reported that the work was proceeding well for fear of being considered stupid or unworthy of their rank. Finally the emperor and his entourage came to inspect the cloth. None could see it, but all, also fearing to be known as stupid, proclaimed its magnificence. The con men pretended to cut and sew while everyone supported the deception. When the emperor wore clothes made from the “fabric,” the crowd likewise pretended to see clothes. A small child, viewing the naked emperor, announced to all that could hear: “the emperor has no clothes!”

This book provides valuable stories similar to the one told above. These are stories of ordinary individuals in the workplace who are striving to steer a course between deception and damaging confrontation by developing truth-telling skills.

A Timeless Story
The story of the emperor and his new clothes is eternal because the problem of “having to lie” is eternal. The benefits of deceptions are obvious. In the story, the officials, and even the public, had to lie to appear knowledgeable and to be able to keep their jobs. Suppose there really is cloth there and only you cannot see it. Suppose your truth is not the truth. Are there really benefits to revealing your truth to others? Are the benefits worth the accompanying risks?

Truth-telling
Truth-telling is justifiably perceived to be difficult, risky, and unrewarding. Who has not had his or her view of a situation invalidated by someone in authority? Who has not felt ashamed of causing another embarrassment by calling attention to a truth that was supposed to remain a secret? When individuals perceive different truths, it is far more common to try to invalidate each other’s truth than to explore further to discover the true nature of a problem.

What You Can Do When You Suspect Someone is Playing a Game

1. Notice your own emotions. Pay attention to the physical sensations you are experiencing as you encounter various situations.
2. Describe your emotional response to yourself.
3. Notice whether you feel like a Persecutor, a Rescuer, or a Victim. You may start in one position, move through other positions, and end up in any position when the process ends.
4. Ask yourself what you are trying to accomplish in your interaction with the other person.
5. Once you understand your hidden agenda, think of a simple, direct way that you can accomplish your objective.
6. When you are stuck in a repetitive process with someone, one possible approach is to tell that person about the feeling(s) you are experiencing.
7. Another approach is to describe the repetitive process you have observed or that you feel you are caught up in.
8. Decide the next action you need to take to accomplish your objective, and take it.

How to Decide Whether or Not to Tell the Truth

1. Write a list of the positive things you believe could happen if you tell the truth.
2. Write a list of positive things you believe could happen if you withhold the truth.
3. Now list the possible negative consequences of telling the truth in this situation.
4. Next list the possible negative consequences of withholding the truth in this situation.
5. Review all your lists and rate the likelihood of each thing happening.
6. Who or what is being protected if you don’t tell the truth?
7. What harm is likely to occur to whomever or whatever you are trying to protect if you do tell the truth?
8. If you do not tell the truth, what will you need to do to assuage your conscience?
9. If you are still uncertain about what to do, review this exercise with a trusted advisor.

Examining Your Own Assumptions

1. Start by assuming that all people, including yourself, are doing the best they can to get what they need in the world at any given moment.
2. Pay close attention to the physical appearance of the person you are trying to understand.
3. Try to imagine what it is like to be a person of the gender, shape and size you have observed.
4. Be curious about everything you observe. Instead of judging, ask yourself why someone might make the clothing or grooming choices you have noticed.
5. To get a sense of what the person you are curious about is feeling, try to imitate his or her posture, movements, and facial expression.
6. Find out as much as you can about the person you are trying to understand.
7. Listen to the words the individual chooses to utter.
8. Notice what tone of voice the person is using.

The Truth Will Set You Free, but First It May Make You Mad!
Pete reluctantly agreed to hire another consultant to help his executive team clarify what was causing several key professionals to consider resigning from his agency. When several problems were identified, including Pete’s inconsistent leadership style, he courageously suggested that the group first focus on his leadership. It was difficult for him to hear the negative feedback, but as he listened and responded, the team members’ animosity changed to offers of help and support.

Tell Your Truth with Compassion for Yourself and Others
Valerie struggled with herself about how to inform her client that she suspected he was using drugs. As she prepared him for job interviews, she started to think that other interviewers might notice the subtle symptoms and mannerisms she had observed in him. She carefully examined her own internal conversation and her fear of alienating her client. Her commitment to her own integrity helped her find an appropriate way to take the necessary risk while continuing to support her client.

Using Agreements to Create Dialogue Instead of Conflict
It is important for any truth teller to realize that your truth is not THE TRUTH, and neither is anyone else’s. Exploring different perspectives on the truth instead of arguing about which is correct can best be accomplished in a safe environment. A variety of organizations use an ever-evolving set of agreements to create and maintain a context in which truth-telling can occur.

A Success Story
When Sue found herself in the role of president of the company she and her late husband had started five years earlier, she was overwhelmed. She felt at odds with the whirlwind-paced, crisis-oriented management style her husband had believed was necessary to keep the chaotic business expanding and profitable, but she did not know what else to do. Creating harmony seemed like an impossible dream.

Laurie Weiss holds a Ph.D. in Health and Human Services from Columbia Pacific University and is certified as a Teaching and Supervising Transactional Analyst in the clinical, organizational, and educational fields. As a partner at Empowerment Systems in Littleton, Colorado, she specializes in facilitating the development of healthy, synergistic relationships in business, professional, and personal settings. Laurie is the author of I Don't Need Therapy, But Where Do I Turn For Answers?

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