Book Summary Preview : Who Moved My Soap?
The CEO’s Guide to Surviving In Prison
By Andy Borowitz
Simon & Schuster Trade, June 2003
ISBN 0743251423
84 pages
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The Big Idea
Satirical and amusing, this book hilariously gives light to convicted CEOs’ new environment— the life behind bars. Speaking from his own experience, Andy Borowitz have outlined how to survive and make the most out of the penitentiaries. Written for convicted CEOs, this book humorously paints prison cells as one thing to look forward to and not dread about. This book, however, serves as reality check for CEOs currently occupied in their own corporate world.
Put Your Hands in the Air and Stay Away From the Desk
If it is your first time to go to prison for being a convicted CEO, you’ll be surprised to find out how you wished you’ve been convicted a lot sooner. Transforming from a CEO to CBO (Cell Block Occupant) is not at all as bad as you think it is.
Surprisingly, there has been a record of migration from CEOs to CBOs since the “fall of Nixon administration”. For the past years, the increase in the number of convicted CEOs has been overwhelming. Inside the cell, if you look from left to right, you definitely have great chances of recognizing a friend form a business school class.
The bars, however, have not limited the CEOs from thinking outside the box. Waking up every morning seeing the dark concrete walls and barbed wires has not restricted them from seeing the opportunity of starting a new business. Convicted CEOs of today are in search of excellence. They are more productive, innovative, and usually end up wealthier than from the day they set foot on prison.
This book is far from being true to its sense had it not been borne out of the author’s mind sometime in January 2003 at US Penitentiary Lomax, Cell Block Six, Lomax, Alabama. Being named by Forbes as “America’s Top 100 Convicted CEOs”, Borowitz believes that this book is what every CEO should not be caught without.
From the Big Board to the Big House
Like Borowitz, nearly all convicted prisoners cry of unfair treatment by the justice system-- they cry innocence on what has been sentenced on them. Believing that the credibility of this book is wholly dependent on the truth of his own innocence, Borowitz tried to tell the ”truth”-- apart from what the jury that convicted him thought.
In 1997, Borowitz was founder and CEO of Shamco, an “energy telecom pharmaceutical company.” Over a short time, there has been a dramatic increase in business performance. It was too overwhelming he even hired a Stanford MBA whose only job is to pinch his cheek—one thing he had to do often for reality check.
This rocketing stock price of Shamco didn’t last forever, though. One day, while having a star-studded birthday celebration of his third wife, Conspicousa, Borowitz received a call from SEC—which he replied to the call, “Sexy who?”. Apparently, Shamco is under investigation. This matter flew Borowitz by his Shamco Concorde back to Nevada.
In Nevada, his first job was to feed all his sensitive financial documents to his newly acquired nuclear-powered paper shredder. Invented by a former Microsoft genius, this paper shredder is so powerful it could eat up a Shanghai phone book in just 4.3 seconds setting it for a new world record. True enough, the paper shredder has proven itself to be really powerful. It actually sucked the sleeve of Borowitz’ Kenneth Cole tuxedo while he was hurriedly trying to escape from the fiasco. This incident was captured in a video by FBI, making it the feast of media and every cable network in the country for a time. . . . . . . . . . .
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