Book Summary Preview : A Little Book of Listening Skills for the Workplace

The Big Idea
Listening, being one of the most important things in business, helps create good relations with people. It is a creative act that improves as it is practiced. By effectively listening we open opportunities to explore our wants, how we feel, and what we think. It also gives understanding of who we’ve been, who we are, and who we will be as individuals and even as organizations.

Being a skilled listener opens our minds; this is why the business community needs good listeners with open hearts and clear minds. Good and accomplished listeners can create strong companies by knowing what transformational questions to ask themselves and to ask others. There are 52 listening skills that may help in becoming a better listener.

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52 Listening Skills

Stop talking so much!
To stop talking so much is one of the most basic things required to become an accomplished listener. During conversations in the workplace, observe who is doing most of the talking, is it you or someone else? The first thing to do is to notice yourself; this primary awareness is a good start. The business world is already full of speakers, being a listener will make you stand out.

After awareness comes a possible array of options. First is simply to decide to stop talking so much. This may be achieved by asking questions such as: “What are your views?” “What is on your mind?” Another method of passing conversation is by acknowledging with a smile or a nod, this encourages others to talk.

Create a culture of trust
Effective and meaningful communication exists when there is trust. To become a skillful listener, you have to build trust. There are different ways to establish trust and the most common is to become trustworthy. You achieve this by always putting trust and integrity above everything else.

Listen for disrespect
When a conflict arises, there are usually two things that come about. First is the issue, and second, which is not always talked about, is the feeling of disrespect that people get from another. As long as there is a feeling of disrespect, conflicts are rarely solved. The feeling of disrespect must be first addressed before the issue. It is because this feeling is the seeming cause of most conflicts.

Listen for mutual purpose
Lack or loss of mutual purpose is the second most common causes of conflict. Few conflicts will be resolved unless there is a foundation that will reinforce or re-establish this. Listening for mutual purpose is important in the success of both business and personal relationships.

Be slow to disagree, argue or criticize
There is always criticism, argument and disagreement in the workplace. But when you engage in such behavior you cannot hear what the other person is trying to say. With this behavior you continuously try to get your point across and become less of a listener.  Skillful listeners will allow others to speak and say what they need to say.
           
Hearing things you don’t like may be hard.  It takes discernments and practice to be open to such things that are difficult to hear. Being slow to disagree, argue or criticize will eventually prove best for everyone involved.

Pay special attention to the need for control
If two or more people are talking at the same time, there is often a subtle power struggle that happens. When such conversations arise, it is really an exercise in one-upmanship and competition for control. But if you learn to selectively attend to content and emotional tone this will allow you to hear the deeper needs that are expressed by the speaker.

Listen to be able to take unconflicted action 
Unconfilcted action happens when decision making functions are deliberately placed in charge of the “fifth brain.” The “fifth brain” is the part of the brain that consists of axons, dendrites, synapses, and glial cells that generate a magnetic field 5000 times stronger than any of the other four parts of the brain contained in our skull.

Most of the time, vacillation between head and heart prevents people from achieving unconflicted action. By deliberately choosing to move executive functions to the fifth brain, you have better perspective in decision making by dissipating fear. This fearlessness is great for a business person in the long run.

Get comfortable with silence
Silence is critical to becoming a skillful listener. It is in silence where ideas unfold because people get to think. A listener allows others to discover what they think, feel, want and how one can be of service. In silence, you not only listen to others but you also listen to yourself and discover what it may take to perform more fully.

Don’t be an emotional terrorist
Emotional reactivity interferes with listening and even damages business relationships. People who frequently communicate in this manner tend to justify their actions. Such way of dealing with reactivity only shows little understanding of the negative effects of this communication process.

A good strategy is to redirect these impulses to the brain’s “executive function.” Listening to people in a wider, less subjective perspective will help you achieve this.

 

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